Happy New Year!

Yes, predictably with the new year comes all the resolutions and all the big plans to change my lifestyle. I'd like to say "No,; this year I'm not going to conform to all that!" But sadly, yes I am as hubby and I are about to repeat the six week bootcamp I embarked on on November.

https://www.fatgirlgetfit.co.uk/

I had degrees of success with it and lost 10lbs in the first detox week. Then I carried on for a week or so without a problem before going to Leeds and staying at Malmaison for 3 nights. It all went completely to pot and I was very ill on the last day, either through a bug or through eating so much rich food straight after a detox!

After that I kind of half-heartedly followed it as Christmas was approaching and I couldn't be bothered and hubby wasn't doing it and and and... excuses excuses.

I put 1lb back on by the time it came to Christmas Eve and the next time I was allowed to weigh myself so I was pretty pleased with that. I have just weighed myself again and I've put on another 5lbs over Christmas. C'est la vie! At least I'm still lighter than I was 2 months ago!

So today we are eating what remains of the Christmas indulgences and tomorrow I am back at work and back onto the detox.

I'll keep you posted...

And it's all gone a bit pear shaped...

unlike me who is an apple through and through.

I'm on annual leave this week and so far, although I have done a little bit of exercise (walking) I have also stuffed my face a little bit. I think I'm on a rebellion phase where I want it so I'm 'avin' it! I have just finished off a packet of double oreos I bought yesterday whilst simultaneously downloading the new C25K app on my phone! Surely, it's the thought that counts! No?

I think on my days off I feel I have to achieve something every day. Yesterday, I did the grocery shopping and a trainer on walk. Today I have walked to the hairdressers, had my hair cut, walked back into town and home again; I'm on 9300 steps from just that and I'm going to work at tea time for a presentation (and pizza) Did I say pizza? Oh bugger.

Tomorrow, I shall venture north in the trusty Edward (my car's called Edward) and have a wander around trying to find some specific fabric for mother. I must stay away from the fabulous cream cake shop I know is there. Although I have just text my friend who lives up there, to see if she is free for coffee - that will inevitably involve cake too! I'm doomed because I just can't say no!

So there's a bit of self sabotage going on, lack of willpower and resolve with an underlying feeling of "sod it". But I am trying. Although I bought rhubarb and custard iced buns from M&S this morning, I didn't pick up chocolates or biscuits like I wanted to. (But I did have some oreos left as above). But the thing is, I stopped myself and that deserves congratulations because nobody knows how hard that actually is but me.

Oh who am I kidding? I am a greedy pig and there's no 2 ways about it. I like food, I like crap food and refined sugar and I'm so ashamed of what I have eaten I've not even put it in MFP because I don't want to see it in black and white. Once it's in black and white, it's also real and undeniable. I can hide packets and not mention things when it's only me that knows about them. But I'm a rubbish liar. I have actually shredded the oreos packet so hubby doesn't see it. How bad is that?

Actually I feel a bit better now I have written it down in black and white. Not so guilty. Because I know that there's people out there that might read this (well, if I had any readers) that will be saying "you think that's bad, you should hear about what I did..." I suppose one way to think positively is to remember that there are other people much worse off than me that have so much more of a real problem, people with mobility and health problems because of their addictions. It's sometimes a bit blurred, but I can draw a line where to stop. I have to redraw it on a daily basis, but I can (usually) and there's people out there who are unable to.

Like any of life's challenges, the ability to see and empathise with those who are worse off is a gift.